Tag Archives: learning to relax

Forced Relaxation: Now that I’m over the terror I love it!

When I was first laid off last year it took awhile for the panic to set in. I had been given a ‘working termination’ so I had 3 months with pay that included the opportunity to work with my employer to find employment at the university. I met with HR, talked to them, took the re-employment workshop, re-worked my resume and avidly applied myself to finding work asap.

I went for quite a few interviews and remained ever hopeful that I would quickly find a new home. Well, as it turns out, this wasn’t quite meant to be and 7 months later I am still looking for work.

There was a period of time, and a fairly long one at that, that I went through a feeling of complete terror at what was happening and not happening in my life. It corresponded at the same time with my mom being diagnosed with terminal cancer. The sicker she got the more desperate I was to find a job. Dave said to me one day, “be careful what you wish for” and he was right. As my mom’s illness progressed I started to let go of my panic realizing that trying to work at a stressful job 3,000 kilometres away from my mom would be devastating for her and for me.

While I continued to keep my eye out for work I started to allow myself to seize the day. And for me that meant spending as much time with my mom and my family as possible.

I am still looking for a good home but in the mean time, the idea of ‘seizing the day’ which I learned during this difficult period is now spilling over into my life without my mom. A friend called the other day and asked how I spent my days. I laughed and said that I had developed wonderful rituals around the many ways I have learned to relax. It’s odd but once you let yourself just be you can unfold into the universe in a very beautiful kind of way. I feel my creative self returning, I have a new appreciation for things like flowers. I bought bulbs in the fall (garlic and tulip) and planted them. Every day I stand outside and look at them and am shocked at how crazy it is that you just drop these things in soil, stand back and do absolutely nothing and then boom, there they are peeking their heads up. Sometimes I find myself rooting around in the dirt, ”Where are you, you little devil? I’m just saying good morning.” As I gear up to enter work life again I’m going to remember this moment, to just take it as it comes. To seize the day, the moment, the hour.

This has been a message from the “glass half full brigade”.


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Where do great thoughts come from? Diary of a forced relaxation

I was at the park today walking Reub. We like to roll on the lawn and he likes to sit and think. So do I. While I was thinking of nothing I started thinking about how I was thinking of nothing. Then I wondered what other people thought about. For example, how do great thoughts come about? How do great thinkers think great thoughts. I’m not a great thinker so I’m not expecting any great revelations.

When I am thinking, I make lists. When I finish making the lists, I rehearse the list over and over again in case I forget something. Yesterday it occurred to me that I’m not even making lists anymore. No grocery lists, exercise, dog walking, to do, book reading, recipe making, call mom, brother, sisters, nieces lists. Nothing. Right now there are no lists. Which means I’m thinking nothing. I’m wondering if something great will come of thinking of nothing?

This brings me to the subject of great thinkers and domestics. Do great thinkers clean, cook or do domestics? Do they carry on like normal people, because if they do, I have no idea where the time would come for great thinking.

Every day I look at my plants outside. Every day I realize they’re growing and I wish I could actually watch them grow. That’s my thought for today.

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How on earth can I be tired after 9 hours sleep?? A diary of imposed relaxation

Today I’m so tired I can hardly stand up. I have bags under my eyes and everything is dragging me downward, like the universe wants me to fall down and have a big nap. There is no possible reason why I am this exhausted. I have had 4 nights of 8 to 9 hours sleep, preceeded by some bad hockey. Or maybe it’s like Sara my hairdresser said, that we have mono. Or maybe it’s that ridiculous bike ride I went on yesterday. All up hill. Who knew? I’m usually a passenger in a car when I’m doing those hills. Those hills are hard. At one point I thought I was going to fall off my bike. Then I thought I might call Dave to come and pick me up except I forgot my cell phone. Then when I realized that the last part of the ride home which I thought was downhill (where did I get that idea?) was in fact uphill. I actually considered stabbing myself in the head and feigning injury. Brother. I may as well have been climbing Everest without my oxygen tank.

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