September 9, 2008 · 4:15 pm

Ode to my long distance brother

Tessa: For a long time now my brother John and I have lived apart. I moved to Vancouver ages ago and even though he and his wife Alison lived here for awhile they chose to go back to Ontario.

Growing up my brother and I had our fair share of fights, and as adults we’ve also had our share of fights but we have always been best friends.

Even though I’ve lived in BC for almost thirty years we’ve managed to maintain a great phone relationship. We usually chat at least once a week, sometimes more and sometimes a little less. We often talk about his kids, or work or what’s going on with either of us but we often are just plain silly. Just as Batman completes the Joker, my brother is my other truly silly half. We laugh alot.

Sometimes I can’t wait to tell him some story that I know will make him roar and I hope he’ll pass it on to his wife Alison.

So when John and Alison decided to go to Peru for three weeks to celebrate their 25th anniversary, I didn’t realize how much I would miss him. My mom called one night to say that Johnny had called and that she had burst into tears when she heard him on the line. “I miss him.” she said. ” He visits me almost every night.”

My brother would never admit that he visits my mom because she needs visiting, he’d say he’s stopping by to have a cocktail with her but I think he’s stopping by because she likes him and needs him to visit.

The thing about my brother is this. He wasn’t raised by a dad who was that great. And my mom was a bit crazy too. Even though he was raised by my sometimes violent dad who was more often than not a jerk, he has grown up to be the kind of guy who decided to break that cycle. He is a great dad, a good husband, a great son and good brother. And he’s wickedly silly and funny.

People like my brother give me hope that you can make your life better than you were taught it could be. That’s why I was so damn happy when he and his wife and son came back safely from Peru and we could resume our regular chats.

1 Comment

Filed under Random Musing

Tagged as , ,

August 24, 2008 · 8:41 pm

On Chesil Beach – Ian McEwan – Book Review

I just finished reading On Chesil Beach Ian McEwan’s latest novel and loved it as much as I have his other more recent but larger works, Saturday and Atonement. The themes that underpin his larger works are evident in spades in this compelling love story. Here MacEwan explores how the lives of two ordinary people are irrevocably changed through a moment of indecision.

Set in Britain in the early sixties, it chronicles the relationship between Edward and Florence, two young lovers from very different worlds. Edward grew up in the English country side where “the beds were never made, the sheets rarely changed,” the bathroom never cleaned, his mother absent. Florence, an aspiring classical musician, grew up in a well-to-do family that skied, played tennis and served bouillabaise, and exotic cheeses. He loves pubs, she loves concerts.

Yet, the differences that separate them is overcome by love that at least for a time, has the capacity to bridge their social worlds. So much so that even though it’s clear that Florence has an inability to deal with physical intimacy and indeed is repulsed by it neither of them venture a discussion concerning it during their year long courtship. Instead Edward choses to believe, albeit frustratingly, that Florence’s modesty will dissolve with the safety and security of marriage. But what Florence feels, is in fact, sheer terror and revulsion at the thought of the consummation of their marriage that only continues to build as their wedding day approaches. Florence regards the mere thought of intimacy with “a visceral dread, a helpless disgust as palpable as seasickness.”

It’s no surprise of course, that their wedding night is a disaster. But what makes this story so compelling is MacEwan’s ability to lay bear the elaborate ritual of love and repulsion, the tension between marriage and obligation, trust and ego. Although there is a reference that perhaps Florence had suffered some abuse this isn’t explored any further. What we have are two individuals who ‘love’ each other but don’t essentially know each other. And at the critical moment when they must lay themselves bare she suffers a failure of courage and he allows his ego to betray his heart. This time love can’t save them.

Although Florence and Edward aren’t exactly products of the Victorian age, neither are they a part of the pop culture/sexual revolution that was already starting to take the western world by storm. But even if they were, would that have made any difference at all? What McEwan explores so beautifully is what lies at the heart of being human; that we are flawed and that it is this that sets the course of our incomplete lives.

1 Comment

Filed under Book Reviews

Tagged as , ,

June 25, 2008 · 2:37 pm

Dye Jobs or Die jobs. When Hair Colouring Goes Drastically Wrong

Tessa: Recently I had the misfortune of allowing my hairdresser to have her way with me. I pointed at several pictures I had brought along as proof of where I wanted to go and showed them to her. Here this is what I want. Look. This is what I need. Not too brown, give me my shag back, not too blond either though. Natural. I want natural. Cindy whipped out her colour wheel, showed me three colours calling them things like G7 and an L8 with a little bit of aR2 will really give you a nice r2d2. Sounds fine. Let’s go.

Three hours later she’s rinsing my hair in the sink and I ask her what r2d2 looks like. She doesn’t give me her usual confident I’m so great smile and instead says …oh the gold here looks nice on top. When she removes the towel from my head I see that I’ve gone from brilliant white blond to dark brown. Dark brown must be what r2d2 is. I start reviewing the colour wheel in my mind.

She tried desperately to be cheerful.  I thought I saw my jaw drop. Yes, it did drop. Then Dave walked in and I definitely saw his jaw drop. Boy. Was his weekend ruined.

I think she knew I was upset because even her glazy cheerful demeanour started to wilt under my fragile gaze. You want your hair straightened or curly. Ahh whatever.May as well make it curly since it will go that way on its own anyways. We got half way there and I guess she decided 3 hours was enough on one client and she leaves me half dry half wet with brown hair.

We part ways and with my usual lying ways, I hugged her, said it was all terrific, gave her a big fat tip, ran outside to find the closest pair of scissors so I could cut it all off. Dave, oh Dave.  How I love Dave. He was shocked. I could tell. He’ll never admit it and that’s okay. But I know shock when I see it.

We go next door to the restaurant where I disappear into the bathroom for about 3 hours. Where were you? he asks. I don’t answer. Throughout dinner he refills my sake glass frequently.  By the time we get home he’s saying encouraging things like you’re hair is so beautifully caramel. Caramel. That’s it. It’s like toffee. You smell like toffee. You are my little toffee.

I love him too.  And I love that he uses the word caramel when we really all know what that means.

In the end I don’t cut my hair off, I don’t kill myself, I don’t anything. It’s just hair. And it’s caramel coloured. I am a caramel. So if Dave.

3 Comments

Filed under Random Musing

Tagged as ,

June 18, 2008 · 4:36 am

Conversations with My Mother: He did it for me!

Tessa: Ring Ring: Gaboodle Gaboidle
Rosie: My Mother
Tessa: Is a Toitle
Rosie: Where have you BEEN?
Tessa: Mom, I’ve been right here.
Rosie: Well, why didn’t you answer your phone?
Tessa: If I knew it was you I would have answered.
Rosie: Oh. Anyways. So I heard.
Tessa: You heard what?
Rosie: Your brother told me.
Tessa: He told you what?
Rosie: About the car.
Tessa: Oh, yeah. We’re looking for a new car?
Rosie: Why? What do you need a new car for? Always wanting so many fancy things. You spend too much money, Tessie. Save your money.
Tessa: Well, we know what we can spend and what we can’t spend.
Rosie: Well, you know that Dave. He has expensive test. And what for?
Tessa: For Reub. He needs air conditioning. He can’t take the heat. Makes him sick. Dave says if we don’t get air conditioning we have to wrap wet towels around him when we go out. And a straw hat.
Rosie: I know why Dave is buying it.
Tessa: It’s not just Dave,. Anyways. Why?
Rosie: He’s doing it for me, isnt’ he?
Tessa: He’s doing what?
Rosie: Buying the new car. You know how he is. He wants to pick me up from the airport in something fancy.
Pause
Pause
Rosie: Tell Dave I don’t give a shit. He can pick me up in that old Acura that I can’t get out of. Remember how I almost got heat stroke in that car?
Last time Dave picked me up in that Volkswagon. Those Germans are bastards. I know that. I was married to one. But they make great cars. Wooowwweeee. It smelled so good. Anyways, tell him I don’t care. Don’t spend the money all on me. Your brother is wondering how you can afford all this. We don’t understand.
Tessa: Why should he care. Anyways.
Rosie: I know. I’ll let you go. Bye. Say hi to Dave.
Tessa: Bye mom. Love you!
Rosie: Don’t buy the new car. You kids are wasting your money!

2 Comments

Filed under Conversations with My Mother

Tagged as

June 7, 2008 · 6:42 pm

Conversations with My Husband: Dumped for Bacon

Dave: Where’s Little T?
Tessa: I think she’s next door.
Dave: Right. She lives there.
Tessa:Yeah, she’s kinda moved out.
Dave: I’ve had her for ten years. She doesn’t give a shit. I never gave her away even when I wanted to or could have.
Tessa: Cats are fickle.
Dave: Her legs were crooked when I adopted her. She could hardly walk. You know what cats are. They’re the animal equivalent of humans. She’s all about herself. She just comes home to shit and eat. I bet you Sylvia is giving her bacon. I read this thing where most vegetarians go back to being meat eaters because of bacon. They can’t resist it. It’s the texture and the salt. Nobody can resist it. I’ll bet you that’s what’s going on.
Tessa:Maybe she just likes the peace and quiet over there.
Dave: I’ll bet you it’s Norm. They’re feeding her. Hugging her. Loving her. They don’t know what kind of monster they’re creating. Oh look here she comes. Howling and screaming. LET ME IN LET ME IN.
She’s coming over here to take a shit. Come here T. Come here. Christ. Smell this. She smells like Sylvia’s perfume. I’m going to write Sylvia’s contact info on her collar. Do you think she’ll find that funny?
Tessa: Who? T or Sylvia?
Dave: Come here T. Do you want some milk? I’ll bet that’s it. I used to give her milk all the time and I haven’t in years. It’s my fault. I’ll bet Sylvia is giving her milk. Come here T.
Tessa: Maybe what’s going on is that T has a parallel universe happening. Sylvia’s place is the reverse of ours. Her and Norm lie in bed like we do and they’re going on about how cute she is and feeding her bacon and stuff. I think it’s the bacon. She has a parallel universe except over there she has milk and bacon. What do you think?
Dave: Yup. Bacon is the downfall

2 Comments

Filed under Conversations with My Mother

Tagged as , , , ,

May 13, 2008 · 3:22 pm

Conversations with my Mother: On Getting Sympathy When Sick

Because today I am sick I decided to call my mother for coddling and sympathy.  Actually as I was limping around the kitchen feeling extremely sorry for myself, even Dave suggested I call Rosie. Then he laughed evilly – knowingly. Tee hee. Why the evil smirk? Because he knows the Rose. And he knows how this conversation will go…

Ring Ring:

Tessa: Hiiiiiii. Cough Cough

Rosie: Tessie. 

Tessa: Yes….gargling and sick noises.

Rosie: Is that you? What’s wrong?

Tessa: I’m sick.

Rosie: Were  you an het boomele (dutch way of saying partying?) You know you shouldn’t do that at your age. You never could take it. Always looking so yellow.

Tessa: No mom. I’m actually sick. I have a cold.

Rosie: Well what happened?

Tessa: Well it happened yesterday. All of a sudden.

Rosie: Well I’m fine.

Tessa: Yeah I know.

Rosie. Well you know I always have that little cuff. (she demos the cuff (cough). It’s my asthma. So terrible. Your brother has an inhaler. I told him not to smoke. We have weak lungs.

Tessa: Yeah. I know. Anyways. I ache. And my throat is sore.

Rosie: I can’t be near anyone who’s sick. You know that.  I could die. 

Tessa: Good thing I’m just talking to you on the phone then.

Rosie: I’ve had pneumonia three times. But I was never sick at your age. Make sure you get your blood sugar checked. Diabetes runs in the family.

Tessa: Yeah. Anyways. I’m feeling pretty tired so I’m going to go.

Rosie: Max pees too much. He needs to get his blood sugar tested.

Tessa: Okay mom. Bye. Love you.

 

 

3 Comments

Filed under Conversations with My Mother

Tagged as , ,

May 8, 2008 · 4:42 pm

The Selected Gwendolyn MacEwen

 One of the greatest pleasures in my life is getting The Globe and Mail delivered to our door every Saturday morning. A good part of Saturday morning and the early afternoon is spent in bed pouring over the newspaper. One of my favourite sections is the Book Review. Some people in publishing  argue that The Globe book section is non-representative of the breadth and depth of Canadian publishing and that it covers only big houses etc..but say what you might, I think it does an okay job. And now that I’m away from the publishing industry I find it a quick way to get a birds eye view of what’s happening in books and it often acts as a guide to what I want to read next.

Two weeks ago I became intrigued by a review on “The Selected Gwendolyn MacEwen“.  The reviewer Judith Fitzgerald, called MacEwen one of the “greatest poets of her generation”. I don’t pretend to know a lot about Canadian poetry other than that I love Michael Ondaatje and George Elliott Clarke so it didn’t surprise me that I had never heard of her.

So I turned to my facebook friends and put the word out amongst them, most of whom, I might add, are very well read women. None of them had heard of Gwendolyn. So I hunted down a former colleague of mine on Facebook, Lynn Henry, who happens to be a very fine, book editor at House of Anansi Press and I asked her and this is what Lynn had to say, ” Gwen MacEwan was a fabulous poet — one of the greatest female Canadian poets, for sure. Somewhat tragic life, but very interesting. I would definitely recommend her.”

That was enough to convince me that I needed to read some of Gwen’s poetry. A friend of mine had a comp copy and brought it along with her when she visited. I’ve only just started reading the collection which includes her poetry, translations and plays, all beautifully introduced with full colour plate illustrations.

I have only just started and already I have earmarked several poems for re-reading, thinking, re-reading again and again. 

This is one of those poems:

The Death and Agony of the Butterfly

a monarch beat its velevet brain

against the light, against

the cold light, I 

thought of you.

 

dance you, dance

you bitch

against the light against 

the cold light, that’s 

what you said.

 

always behind me, always

behind me is

your violent music, beat

until the butterfly’s velvet brain 

is dead.

 

dance you, dance

you bitch, I 

love you against

the light against

the cold light, always

behind me is

your violent music.

3 Comments

Filed under Book Reviews

Tagged as , , ,

May 4, 2008 · 12:16 am

Myth-busting: Botox Won’t Solve Your Cancer Problem

Usually around this time of year local news stations do a story on sun exposure and the use of sunscreen. It surprises me the number of people interviewed who think that it’s a) okay to bake in the sun for hours on end with nothing but coconut oil on and b) will do this without any kind of sun protection whatsoever and c) that any issues related to sitting in the sun will at some unspecified time in the future be taken care of with Botox. At this point in the interview they usually laugh, lather on some more oil and continue to bake.

The sooner people disavow themselves of this illusion the better. I can guarantee you that although Botox might be able to help you with the wrinkles you’ll get as a result of sun exposure it definitely won’t help you with the cancer that you are at much higher risk to get. Melanoma is cancer. You get it through exposure to the sun. In early stages it can be removed through surgery but if it has spread to other parts of your body than what you have is full blown cancer that has to be treated through the usual cancer channels ie; radiation, chemotherapy etc…This can happen to anyone at any age.

I was very lucky because I had another issue that my normal GP couldn’t fix so I went to another doctor. My GP did look at my mole, however and said it looked “normal even though I told her this mole had appeared out of nowhere and had grown quite fast.  I subsequently went to another doctor for another issue, showed the mole to her as an afterthought and she immediately recommended me to a surgeon to have it removed.

When I went to the surgeon he looked at it and thought there was nothing wrong with the mole. He actually implied that I was wasting his time but since I was there he would go ahead with it anyways. A week later I got a phone call saying that the mole was malignant and that I had melanoma. Thank god I caught it early enough and it was removed surgically. The initial mole was removed and when it proved to be malignant the surgeon went in again to cut a wide margin around the area in order to remove all cancerous cells.

Even though I have a much higher chance of developing further malignancies I thank god for two things: Dave who urged me to get it checked and for a doctor who knew what she was doing. If I had ignored it, or gone with the original diagnosis from my GP I would be in a completely different place in my life right now. I would have a life threatening illness.  I used to be a sun worshipper. I thought it was harmless and that it made me look healthy. Nothing is further than the truth.

So. Go out and buy some sunscreen. My dermatologist gives me Ombrelle. Lather it on before you go outside, even if your just going out for a short walk. Lather it on repeatedly during the day. If you need to bake outside in the sun, bring sunscreen, glasses and hat and sit under an umbrella. Save yourself the trouble of giving yourself skin cancer.

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Musing

Tagged as , , ,

April 22, 2008 · 3:43 pm

Meet our dog… Vet Bill

…formerly known as Reuben, now known as Vet Bill.

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Musing

Tagged as ,

April 14, 2008 · 4:25 pm

Boys in the Trees: Mary Swan – Book Review

I just finished reading Boys in the Trees by Mary Swan. The novel takes place in the late nineteenth century in Emden, a small Ontario country town. The story is about a man who murders his entire family and the effect this has on the townspeople. Most of the chapters are told from a different person’s point of view so you get a sense of the far reaching effects a horrific incident like this has on an entire community. Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under Book Reviews

Tagged as , ,