Speedskating: I love it, I hate it, I love it, I hate it, I love it, I hate it

Tessa: Well it’s that time of year again when all the crazy people start to gather in ice rinks around the world. When I say crazy people I of course, include myself because like bees to honey, flies to swatters, horses to grass, I find myself going back year after year, in spite of relentless bitter complaints. I like to say I go because of Agatha Vanderstarre my 76 year old role model who still skates faster than me. Or I like to say I go because of Genghis our coach who I like to think is making me a better person for helping to stave off the dinkle colony that is forever threatening my thighs. Or because my best friend skates but it’s all lies. Lies. I skate because I just want to tell people that I do this freaky sport. I tell them I do it and they’re like really. Speedskating?? And I’m like YUH. When really in my mind I know it’s more like slow speedskating. Because like Agatha Vanderstarre my hero and mentor, I have only one speed and that’s forward. Slow but sure.
If ya’ll wanna join this brutal sport where they think its funny to make you skate for two minutes straight again and again and again with your knee hanging around your ankle in mind blowing pain, give me a shout. You too can be a part of this relentless, brutal crazy group of maniacs who wear tight suits.

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