Moods: Variation II

I probably was more than a little sad when I wrote this sad little song in the dark months following my mama’s passing but it I kinda like it.

The non-mathematical inequality of grief
that the person who dies
rises to the occasion
in an unexpected way
that the person
who is dying
grows into their death, into their dying-ness
like a hero
like a person who suddenly
understands
what it is to die
what it is to have lived
who accepts
graciously
the gifts
that life has given them
that they know
there is no point
in painful exploration of why, why, why
although they are only human
so they are afraid
not of dying
but of leaving behind
of not knowing
what twists their illness will inflict on them
that the person who is dying
who rises graciously to the occasion
helps you discover
more about them in these last moments
hours and days
than you ever thought you would
that you learn that the capacity for joy, love
and laughter
is no way diminished by their dying-ness
that their love of music, life
shines through
even in their gravest hour
that you never expected to be so engaged
feel love so fully
want to know this person even better
in these final hours
that when they suddenly take your hand
and swing it to the music
that this effervescent life force
this magnificent zest
continues
even in the dying person’s darkest hour
that this feeling of sheer unbreakable unknowable
and crazy love increases as each moment passes
making the chasm between life and death ever greater
knowing that the inverse proportion of wanting to love more is
in direct opposition to the ability to hold life
that death is the only state in which there is truly no hope.
that everything now can only exist in your heart
that there can be no more conversations
no more handholding
no more wry observations on the passing of life
no more sweetnesses
no more declarations of this is it
no more drinking of wine
and no more motherly assurances
that yes everything will be okay.