Conversations with my mother: I miss you. How dare you leave

Tessa: Hi mom.
Rosie: Hi.
Tessa: What are you doing?
Rosie: Crying.
Tessa: Moooom.
Rosie: Well. It’s your fault. I’ve been crying for 25 years.
Tessa: Mother. Anyways, mom. I miss you too.
Rosie: I always wanted a daughter to go to the mall with me.
Tessa: I know mom.
Rosie: Anyways, how was your flight?
Tessa: Good. It was fine.
Rosie: And Dave? Are you still married? You know good men are hard to come by. Look at me and your father. What a bastard. Never mind my first husband. They’re all the same. Even your sister’s husband, he’s not bad. George bought me the flashlight in case the lights go out.
Tessa: No mom. Everything is good. We’re watching American Idol.
Rosie: That’s good. You have to do things together. Maybe sometimes watch baseball with him. Woweee. I love baseball. I wish Dave could have come too. I just look at my bathroom and I want to cry. I’ll pay for him to come. I love him. Maybe he can fix my kitchen too. So handy. You’re very lucky.
Tessa: Alrighty then.
Rose: Your brother called me. He misses you too. Everyone does. Nobody calls if you’re not here. Nobody.
Tessa: That’s not true mom. Johnny comes by every night and Petra phones almost every day and Joke phones you too. So that’s not true.
Rosie: Anyways, you hear about Costa Rica. Your brother is talking about Costa Rica. I won’t get my hopes up. Probably last time I ever travel anywhere.
Tessa: Mother. You’re a spring chicken. Anyways, you can come here too you know. Anyways, I’m going to watch Idol now. You know it’s key to saving the marriage!
Rosie: I loved seeing you on the couch here. It’s like you never left. It still is so terrible.
Tessa: What is?
Rosie: That you left.
Tessa: Oh brother, I’m going.
Rosie: (shouting) It’s TRUE.