Double Talk: When I don’t say what I mean

Tessa: I have this thing where I say one thing but I actually mean another entirely. For example, let’s say Dave and I have a party to go to and he doesn’t really want to go. I might say something like, “Hot pants, if you don’t really want to go, you don’t have to.” At this point Hot Pants, being a guy will think I mean this and so will say, “Oh, ok. Then I don’t think I will go.” This of course, makes me furious because I think he should know that I didn’t really mean what I said. What I really meant was, thank you for coming with me even though I know you really don’t want to go and I love you even more because of your giving nature and unconditional love.

So when Valentine’ s Day came, Dave and I agreed that we didn’t buy into that commercial hoopla and that we would ignore it and that’s what I said to him. “Let’s ignore it Hot Pants.” So he did and went ahead and made plans to have dinner with his friend. A guy. So I said good luck finding a restaurant on Valentine’s Day. It’s going to be a nightmare. Expensive too. Say hi to Scott for me. Tell him to stay with us next visit. According to double talk standard I’ll leave it to you to guess which of the above statements are really true.

So off I went to work feeling bitter and resigned. When everyone asked what was up I gave them the old Valentine’s Day is not for us schtick. Dave is going out with a friend and I’m staying home to drive spikes through my palms. When my sister called later that day to say she found a Valentine card to her six year old, from Carlos her bad boy admirer, I was crushed. Where’s my damn Valentine, I wondered to myself. Inspired by Carlos (six years old) I decided to pen a love note myself. So I wrote an ode to Dave and sent it off thinking he would read it after his date with whatshisface.

When I got home I expected the house to be dark and empty. I was regretting saying I didn’t care about the big love day. I couldn’t find Dave anywhere but the lights were on, flowers on the table and a nice bottle of wine was on the counter. I thought it was sweet that Dave wanted me to feel good about being alone on Valentine’s Day. I’d drink the bottle, look at the flowers and probably start smoking again.

Then I heard a noise and there he was. Outside on the deck talking to his girlfriend. He must have been out there for at least a half hour before I discovered him. He was giggling up a storm so I knew it was my mother on the other line. He called to wish her a good day. He had also cancelled his date with his friend. I was so happy I immediately tackled him to the ground and we wrestled for the next hour. We had the best night. I’m glad he gets my double talk. Thanks Carlos! Thanks Dave!