Tessa: Hi Mom, What are you doing?
Rosie: Hi Tessie, nothing. I’m doing nothing. Why? What do you expect me to be doing? Dancing?
Tessa: Uhhh, well, I don’t really know.
Rosie: What are you doing?
Tessa: Nothing.
Rosie: Oh.
Tessa: Do you have anything to say?
Rosie: No, not really.
Tessa: Okay bye, I love you.
Rosie: Yeah me too. Bye.
Tessa: I’ll call you later, we’ll talk more about nothing.
Rosie. Okie dokie!
Entries categorized as ‘Conversations with My Mother’
Conversations with My Mother: On Nothing
July 30, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Tagged: conversations about nothing, Conversations with My Mother
Conversations with my mother: Maybe we can dance my way
June 5, 2010 · 1 Comment
Tessa: Hi Rosie Posie
Rosie: Hiiii
Tessa: How are you doing?
Rosie: Not too bad. Tired all the time.
Tessa: Maybe it’s the medication.
Rosie: Maybe. I’m looking forward to you coming. Everybody is.
Tessa: Me too. I’m excited to see you.
Rosie: I have a skinny sprout head. I look like a bird.
Tessa: No you don’t.
Rosie: Yes, I do.
Tessa: Stop looking in the mirror then.
Rosie: No. (giggles)
Tessa Anyways,
Rosie: My legs are like string beans.
Tessa: How’s that different?
Rosie: Well they’re more stringy.
Tessa: You have nice legs.
Rosie: It’ll be harder to dance now.
Tessa: Don’t worry about the dancing. We can wave our arms in the air.
Rosie: I can probably manage one leg too. Two arms and one leg. Wowwweeee. We’ll watch soccer together. You know the Dutch are very good at soccer.
Tessa: I can’t wait.
Rosie: Me too.
Tessa: I love you.
Rosie: Me too. I love you too. I’m not dead yet you know.
Tessa: I know.
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Tagged: Conversations with My Mother
Rosie’s air conditioner
June 2, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Categories: Conversations with My Mother · Where's my gonch & other stuff
Tagged: air conditioning, old fashioned air conditioning
Conversations with my mother: learning to say goodbye
June 1, 2010 · Leave a Comment
My Rosie
Tessa: Hi mama, how are you?
Rosie: Hi Tessie, not dead yet!
Tessa: That’s good. What are you doing?
Rosie: Jokelee and I are eating a big bowl of ice cream and I’m having a second piece of pie. To hell with the diabetes. Now that I know, I’m going to live it up.
Tessa: I’m sorry mom.
Rosie: For what?
Tessa: To hear about what the doctor said.
Rosie: Oh what the hell. He told me I looked great for my age and that he had never seen anyone be so healthy for so long. I’ve been lucky. We all have to go somehow. I’m 84 for godsake.——-(Long pause) Don’t be sad. I’m so glad you have Dave.
Tessa: Me too. He really loves you.
Rosie: He does? I love him too. I love him so much I’m going to take him with me when I go.
Tessa: Oh mom. No you’re not.
Rosie: Oh yes I am. Are you coming home now?
Tessa: I’m coming home mom.
Rosie: For how long?
Tessa: As long as I can.
Rosie: I have to go now. Dancing with the Stars is on. Whoopeee..
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Tagged: Conversations with My Mother, on saying goodbye to a mother
Conversations with my mother: Dancing with the stars!
April 9, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Tessa: Hi mom,
Rosie: Ohhhh Tessie. Do you watch Dancing with the Stars?
Tessa: Nope.
Rosie: It’s so good. You won’t believe it. You should see this old man on there. He’s 80 for god sakes. He’s dancing and dancing. He does whatever he wants. No rhythm. Stiff as a wood block. Just like your father.
Tessa: Who is it?
Rosie: I don’t know. Some astronaut.
Tessa: Buzz Aldren? Buzz Aldren is on Dancing with the Stars?
Rosie: You should see his wife. Old bitty with a 100 face lifts. She looks just like a clown. Always there smiling. Geen gezicht. (not a good sight) What, she thinks she looks good?
Tessa: Yeah, like Joan Rivers.
Rosie: Joan Rivers was never good looking to begin with now it’s worse. But you should see Pam.
Tessa: Pam who? Pam Anderson?
Rosie: I love that girl. So down to earth.
Tessa: Down to earth? What’s down to earth? Her breast implants, her fake blond hair or her Marilynn voice?
Rosie: She’s down to earth. I love her and boy can she dance. The judges love her. They say she is Sexy Sexy Sexy. Me too. They showed her aunt. Beautiful skin just like Pam. She uses Crisco as moisturizer. Says it’s cheap. Who needs all those creams anyways.
Tessa: I think I heard Kate Gosselin was on there.
Rosie: Achh. That woman. Can’t dance. Not one lift, always dragging on the floor. Ohhh, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow night so you can watch it too. Okay?
Tessa: Okay mom. Love you.
Rosie: Yeah, me too. BYE!!!!!!!
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Tagged: Conversation with my mother: Dancing with the stars, Conversations with my mother: Dancing with the Stars
Conversations with My Mother: The Olympics, I love Shaun White.
March 6, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Rosie: Oh Tessie, I love the Olympics. I watch them day and night.
Tessa: They’re fun, aren’t they?
Rosie: Are you and Dave watching snowboarding? Wow, what a sport.
Tessa: Yeah, it’s amazing….
Rosie: Unbelievable. I like that red haired one. Shaun White. If I had to do it over again, I’d be a snowboarder and go in the Olympics. I would be amazing.
Tessa: You’re already amazing.
Rosie: I know Tessie. What do you think? Do you think he’d come and teach me maybe?
Tessa: Who?
Rosie: That red-haired cutie Shaun.
Tessa: Ohh. Well, I don’t know. If anyone could do it you could. Ask him!
Rosie: I’ll twitter him. (teehee) or whatever you people do to not talk to each other. I’ll be the oldest person on a snowboard. Wowee.
Tessa: He’s old enough to be your grandson, great grandson maybe…didn’t seem to make much difference at your 80th when you tried to run off with the 17 year old Latin waiter….that was the same night you danced until we got thrown out of the restaurant.
Rosie: I know, wasn’t that fun. Well, I have to go now. I’m going shopping at Loblaws…I need to talk to the baker and my friend at the check out.
Tessa: Bye, love you.
Rosie: Bye sweetie. Don’t forget to twitter Shaun.
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Conversations with My Mother: Ploop, Ploop Ploop, and Ploop Ploop Ploop
February 7, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Ring Ring:
Tessa: Hi Mom, How are you?
Rosie: Good. I was just going ploop ploop.
Tessa: Nice. So it’s all working down there.
Rosie: Well. No Ploop Ploop Ploops like the old days but ploop ploop twice a day is a pretty good day.
Tessa: :You still taking those hemp seeds and do they help?
Rosie: No, I go to the bakery at Loblaws and get this delicious new bread. It has little seeds in it. The baker tells me he gets up at 3:00 in the morning to bake it. He can’t bake enough of it. Everyone loves it. I just got a notice that I have to re-do my driving test.
Tessa: Oh. How do you feel about it?
Rosie: What am I going to do? I have to do it. I have a book I’m studying.
Tessa: That’s good. Is it helping?
Rosie: It puts me to sleep. I’ve been studying for a week and I’m still not done. Last time I saw some old lady, maybe she was 95, she was writing the test with the book in her lap. Can you believe that?
Tessa: I find that hard to believe.
Rosie: It’s true. 95 with the book in her lap. AND SHE PASSED.Aggie isn’t doing her test and she’s going to drive without it.
Tessa: I know mom, you’ve told me that ten times. That’s not something to admire.
Rosie: I know but still. At our age what the hell. My appetite is good Tessie so it can’t be all bad. Wooooooooowwweeee. You have no snow. What are you going to do for the Olympics? I feel so sad. Skiing on straw. How’s work?
Tessa: It’s been really busy. A little stressful.
Rosie: You’ve never handled stress well. Makes you all red in the face like when you run. My god. You look like a fat red balloon. Why do something that’s going to kill you?. I have to go. I feel a ploop. I better go work at it.
Tessa: Yeah, thanks for that mom. Talk to you tomorrow.
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Tagged: Conversations with My Mother
Conversations With My Mother: Martini please
December 18, 2009 · Leave a Comment
Rosie: Tessie?
Tessa: Hi mom,
Rosie: Guess what?
Tessa: What?
Rosie: I just talked to your cousin.
Tessa: Nice. Which one?
Rosie: Peter in Holland.
Tessa: How’s he doing?
Rosie: He said he couldn’t believe how great my Dutch still is.
Tessa: Well you are Dutch.
Rosie: I know but after all these years my writing is still perfect.
Tessa: That’s good.
Rosie: He wanted to know if I had any assistance, you know hulp (help). I said no. I don’t want help. I don’t want anyone in my house. I’ve decided I’m not going to rehab.
Tessa: That’s crazy.
Rosie: I don’t care. Last time when I had my other hip done I didn’t and I was perfect. The doctor told me I was perfect.
Tessa: That was fifteen years ago. The goal is to get back on your feet as soon as possible don’t you think?
Rosie: Anyways, I almost fell out of that bed your sister bought me. So high. I could die in here. Hey, Tessie, tell me do you and Deef (Dave) still drink martinis?
Tessa: Yeah, once in a while.
Rosie: Wow. That sounds good. Maybe we can have one when you’re here. Your brother tells me you don’t eat turkey. How can we have Christmas if you don’t eat turkey? What’s wrong with turkey?
Tessa: You know I don’t eat turkey.
Rosie: Well I don’t really eat meat either. Except for turkey and lamb. I love lamb burgers. I don’t eat beef. Except sometimes Georgie makes something good on the BBQ.
Tessa: So really, you do eat meat.
Rosie: No, not really. I can’t wait to see Deef. And you. It’s coming so soon I can’t believe it! I’ll have a martini when you come. Just one please.
Tessa: Okay mom. Love you.
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Tagged: Conversations with My Mother
Conversations With My Mother: Shakin’ it down from the afterlife
October 7, 2009 · Leave a Comment
Tessa: Hi mom, How are you?
Rosie: As well as can be expected given my condition.
Tessa: I know. I’m sorry but it’s solvable, right.
Rosie: Well I guess if it’s my time, it’s my time.
Tessa: Anyways, Dave and I are planning the BIG PARTY. You know next year. I want to make sure you’re coming.
Rosie: Why not have it this year, I could be dead by then.
Tessa: You’re the healthiest 83 year old I’ve ever met.
Rosie: One word. H1N1.
Tessa: Anyways, what else is going on? How’s Tante Aggi?
Rosie: She’s upset. Gypsies stole her bag.
Tessa: There are no gypsies in Mississauga.
Rosie: Yes there are. They have a whole organization set up to steal.
Tessa: Just like dad.
Rosie: Hahahah. You’re right. Your father was a bastard thief.
Tessa: You married him.
Rosie: I know. What did I know. So innocent. Aggi seems sad.
Tessa: Well, I can see that. I mean it must be really hard without Uncle Bernie.
Rosie: I know but for god’s sake. Even if she did pass away, how the hell does she know she’ll meet him up there?
I told her she wouldn’t so she may as well enjoy her life with me right now.
Tessa: That’s supportive.
Rosie: Well, don’t you think we’d all know by now if there was life after death. People have been dying forever and at least one of them would have broken through to let us know.
Tessa: That’s a great point.
Rosie: When I die I’m going to make sure you know there’s an afterlife if there is one. I’m going to come down and shake things so you’ll know. Like bowls and glasses of wine.
Tessa: Perfect. I’ll keep my eyeballs peeled for you. But don’t go just yet. I like all the shakin’ you’re doing right now.
Rosie: Ohhh Tessie!
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
Tagged: Conversations with My Mother, older parents, preparing for death
Conversations with My Mother: We get naughtier as we get older
August 14, 2009 · 2 Comments
Tessa: Hi mom, where’ve you been?
Rosie: I was at Tante Aggie’s for lunch.
Tessa: That’s nice. How is she doing?
Rosie: She’s really upset.
Tessa: Why?
Rosie: She didn’t pass her driver’s licence.
Tessa: Oh, that’s awful
Rosie: I say big deal.
Tessa: Mother.
Rosie: I told her to drive her car anyways.
Tessa: MOM.
Rosie: When I go and I fail, I’m doing the same thing.
Tessa: No you’re not.
Rosie: Yes, I am and nobody will know. I won’t tell anybody. Besides I only do little distances to the mall and back. Why not?
Tessa: Because you could kill somebody or yourself.
Rosie: I’m almost dead anyways.
Tessa: I’m not talking about you.
Rosie:Anyways. Did you see Larry King with Jermaine. Ohmigod. Those children are so beautiful.
Tessa: Yeah, they’re pretty nice looking.
Rosie: They look just like Michael.
Tessa: No they don’t. They look like their mother.
Rosie: That horrible beast. You see her? Crooked nose and long stringy hair. She’s awful.
Tessa: I don’t think she’s that awful.
Rosie: She sold her children for a million dollars.
Tessa: Eight million.
Rosie: Eight million? Wow. [pause] I’d sell all of you for eight million.
Tessa: Me too?
Rosie: Yes. [pause] We get naughtier as we get older.
Tessa: Not we. You. You are naughty. And it’s not just as you get older. You just are this way.
Rosie: I know. BYE!!!!
Categories: Conversations with My Mother
