Without further ado let me introduce my mother Rosie the Rascal:
Tessa: Hey mom, how are you?
Rosie: Well,why not? What’s there to live for? I’m thinking of throwing myself off the balcony.
Tessa: Don’t do that. What about TV. You love TV.
Rosie: Yeah, people think I watch too much TV but I love it and I learn alot. Muriel downstairs has a set from the 50s. So small I need a magnifying glass to see it. Why is she so cheap? I asked her. Muriel, stop being so cheap. You can’t take it with you.
Tessa: Still have your Christmas stuff up?
Rosie: I’m taking it all down.
Tessa: [long pause]
Rosie: FOREVER. Who needs it anyways?
Tessa: Mom, you love your matching red balls.
Rosie: So 70s. That went with my leopard bar. Wowie. Remember that?
Tessa: Yup, I sure do.
Rosie: Anyways, there might not be next Christmas.
Rosie: It’s the truth. I know you don’t like hearing the truth but that’s the truth. I could go any time.
Tessa: You’re healthy as a horse. And I have no problem hearing the truth. I live for it. Anyways, I’m planning my big birthday party. You know my big landmark one and I want all you guys to come.
Rosie: Wow. Sounds great. When is it?
Tessa: Two years from now.
Rosie: Why not have it this year? I’l probably be dead in two years.
Tessa: Enough of the death talk. We’re thinking of buying a house. Then there’ll be lots of room for all your dance moves and you can have your own bathroom. It’ll be great.
Rosie: I’m a fantastic dancer. Your father always told me so. I know how to dance and I drive like a man. Anyways, you sure you can afford that? You know what you’re doing? Well, Dave knows what he’s doing so it should be okay. Hey, I’m sending you all your diaries from your teen years. Wowie. I ‘ve been reading them all. I had no idea you were doing all….
Tessa: MOTHER. STOP IT.
Rosie: Wait I’m going to read you a bit.
Tessa: I’m hanging up.
Rosie: Oh, there’ Barack on TV. I have to go. What a sexy guy. You see him in Hawaii in his shorts? Better than that idiot sprout head George Bush.
Tessa: Bye mom
Rosie: Have your party soon. I don’t want to be dead!