Tessa: So who knew that doing a triathlon could be so stressful. As race day draws near I am much more nervous that I’d anticipated. I didn’t train enough. I didn’t link. I didn’t do any reading. I thought I’d have a team of friends doing it with me, I have a bum knee, I don’t think I can run the 5 k. People are going to see me. I’ve forbidden all friends and family except Dave from coming out and watching. I feel oddly vulnerable and embarrassed and on top of it all I had no idea I was going to feel this way. I’m a happy go lucky person. Even though I’ve had heaps of fun training for the race with Dave, today I’m a mess. I’ve cried, I’ve thought of not doing it, I’ve tried to figure out what the deal is and the only thing I can think of is menopause. Maybe I’m perimenopausal? Maybe if I didnt’ have a bum knee I’d feel more triumphant, more like a ‘real’ athlete, maybe if I’d trained harder I wouldn’t be feeling this way. Now I’m wondering why I’ve signed up. So I consider not going? I had this thing in my head that I would be doing this with a bunch of girlfriends. And it’s just me. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I just never anticipated this reaction. So I’ve considered not going. But then I think about how I would feel if I didn’t. Then I think about how much fun Dave and I had biking and getting ready for this and I want to get a bit of that lighthearted joie de vivre back.
I know I’m going to go out tomorrow and do my best. I’m going to go out and stay calm while I’m swimming. I’m going to create a calm place in my head that’s going to allow me to do my laps, walk to the transition area, get on my bike and then I’m going to remember just how much I love bicycling. I’m going to get that slightly competitive moment that will allow me to push myself just a little bit harder. Then I’m going to get off my bike and start my run. I feel ashamed that I can’t probably run…and I think that’s it. That’s why I feel vulnerable. But I’m going to walk as hard and as fast as I can and I’m going to remember how good it feels to be alive. Because that’s what this is all about. I’m going to go out tomorrow and I’m going to do my best. Just like Ella did on Grouse Mountain even when she was so tired and easily the smallest person on that hill. So I’ll think of Ella, Muhammad Ali and Dave. Maybe next year I’ll let others watch.
July 27, 2008...2:27 am
A Stressed Diva: Divas Only Sprint Distance Triathlon
Tessa: So who knew that doing a triathlon could be so stressful. As race day draws near I am much more nervous that I’d anticipated. I didn’t train enough. I didn’t link. I didn’t do any reading. I thought I’d have a team of friends doing it with me, I have a bum knee, I don’t think I can run the 5 k. People are going to see me. I’ve forbidden all friends and family except Dave from coming out and watching. I feel oddly vulnerable and embarrassed and on top of it all I had no idea I was going to feel this way. I’m a happy go lucky person. Even though I’ve had heaps of fun training for the race with Dave, today I’m a mess. I’ve cried, I’ve thought of not doing it, I’ve tried to figure out what the deal is and the only thing I can think of is menopause. Maybe I’m perimenopausal? Maybe if I didnt’ have a bum knee I’d feel more triumphant, more like a ‘real’ athlete, maybe if I’d trained harder I wouldn’t be feeling this way. Now I’m wondering why I’ve signed up. So I consider not going? I had this thing in my head that I would be doing this with a bunch of girlfriends. And it’s just me. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I just never anticipated this reaction. So I’ve considered not going. But then I think about how I would feel if I didn’t. Then I think about how much fun Dave and I had biking and getting ready for this and I want to get a bit of that lighthearted joie de vivre back.
I know I’m going to go out tomorrow and do my best. I’m going to go out and stay calm while I’m swimming. I’m going to create a calm place in my head that’s going to allow me to do my laps, walk to the transition area, get on my bike and then I’m going to remember just how much I love bicycling. I’m going to get that slightly competitive moment that will allow me to push myself just a little bit harder. Then I’m going to get off my bike and start my run. I feel ashamed that I can’t probably run…and I think that’s it. That’s why I feel vulnerable. But I’m going to walk as hard and as fast as I can and I’m going to remember how good it feels to be alive. Because that’s what this is all about. I’m going to go out tomorrow and I’m going to do my best. Just like Ella did on Grouse Mountain even when she was so tired and easily the smallest person on that hill. So I’ll think of Ella, Muhammad Ali and Dave. Maybe next year I’ll let others watch.
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Tags: Divas only, triathlon nervous wreck