Condofire

Tessa: Dave says he doesn’t want me to vacuum anymore because I’m too destructive. By destructive he means I put holes in the wall when I vacuum. Believe me, this isn’t some elaborate ruse to get out of housework. I love vacuuming but I don’t subscribe to his methodology which is uhhh well a methodology. I’m more of a freelance, happy pants, give it my all kind of vacuumer. Even taking the vacuum out of the closet can be hazardous to anything in the surrounding area. To me, vacuuming is more like a contact sport. It’s something you throw yourself into wholeheartedly. You do it quickly and with as much energy as possible. Does this mean there are occasional casualties?Yes. Does this mean the walls suffer. Yes, more often than not.

Last time we fought about this he said I was being a half-assed vacuuming bully who didn’t give a shit about his buff walls. That’s absolutely not true. I love his walls. They’re beautiful. I’m not intentionally punching holes in them. It’s a consequence of a domestic sporting activity. Vacuuming is after all a contact sport. You don’t play football without getting a few war wounds!